A tale as old as time.

He is my best friend.  The one I depend on more than almost anyone.   He's my comedian when I need to laugh.  His shoulder is my handkerchief when I need to cry.  He is my sounding board when I need someone to listen.  He is my voice of reason when my emotions take over.  He is my best friend.  But only my friend.  Everybody tells me he loves me.  Of course he loves me.  He's my best friend.  They say he loves me in a different way.  What do they mean?    He is my best friend.  Like a brother.  Why is that so hard for people to understand?  They say he looks at me differently.   But I don't see it.  They are crazy.  They don't understand our relationship.  Our friendship.  But the insinuations have infiltrated my mind.  As we spend every day together I begin to doubt.  We play together.  We laugh together.  We eat together.  We stress together.  Does he love me?  Am I the crazy one?  No.  I am not crazy.  I can't be.  I ignore the insinuations because he is just my best friend.  

A year has passed and I do not live close to him anymore.  I miss my best friend.  I miss laughing with him.  I miss stressing with him.  I miss staying up all night talking about nothing with him.  Do I love him?  Of course I do.  I love him as my best friend.  But do I love him more?  No.  I can't.  Everybody says I do, but what do they know anyway?  They are not me.  They don't understand.  They are crazy.  It gets harder to ignore them.  But I persist.   He is just my best friend.

I saw him for the first time in months.  He is the same.  He is still my best friend.  He makes me laugh.  He listens to me.  He talks to me.  He is still my best friend.  The insinuations return.   He loves you, they say.  No, I think, he cannot.  But maybe?  I see the look in his eye.  The one they told me about.  I ignore the look.   He just missed me that's all.  Just like I missed him.  He holds my hand.  Friends don't hold hands.  Not like this.  I try to ignore but I can't anymore.  My wall of ignorance begins to melt at the touch of his warm hand.  He is just my best friend.  Right?  I don't know anymore.  I ask him.  I wait for him to tell me that I am just his friend.  Like his sister.  But the answer I wait for doesn't come.  Everybody was right.  I was wrong.  They were not crazy.  I was.  He is more than just my best friend.

Three Pillars

 As a true introvert the brown eyed girl administers a subconscious test to all who enter her world.  This test determines who she allows to remain close to her and who she can trust.  She considers many people her friends, but very few pass the test and enter into her realm to leave a mark on her heart.  Today she is reminded of three marks in particular.  Although perspective makes these marks seem fresh, it seems as though they've been there forever.  They are among some of the most prominent marks and only continue to penetrate deeper into her beating, red heart.  The three who have left these marks are known, only to her, as her three pillars.  There are two reasons that she secretly refers to them as pillars.  The first reason is obvious.  They are extremely tall.  The second reason is a little less obvious to everyone but her.  They love her and support her.

Generally it is considered normal, or more effective to be supported by an even, balanced number.  So many may ask, "why only three?"  "what about a fourth?"  Having a minor form of obsessive compulsive disorder, the brown eyed girl is inclined to agree that three is an unusual number for support.  But in the case of her pillars, she is temporarily cured of her OCD because these three are the exception to every rule.  To fit them into standard norms would change who they are and ultimately the effect that they have on her.  To do them justice they must form to their own mold, march to the beat of their own drum... so they remain only three.

The first pillar came to her on the volleyball court.  She came in the form of a new teammate but it wasn't until later that the brown eyed girl learned what pillar number one truly was.  Having sensed similarities in personality and values there was an instant connection between pillar number one and the brown eyed girl.  However, the connection remained silent.  Throughout the course of their season as teammates, other teammates and friends temporarily blocked their path to what would eventually be a beautiful friendship.

The second pillar also came to her on the volleyball court.  But this time it was a much less formal setting.  They would not be teammates.  They would just be friends.  At first the brown eyed girl wasn't sure what to think of pillar number two.  He was so outgoing, loved dancing and didn't care to be a little crazy.  Or a lot crazy.  He was so different from anyone she had ever spent time with and especially different from herself.  His uniqueness instantly ignited intrigue.  Although he seemed so happy and fun, pillar number two had recently been hurt.  Her brown eyes could see the ache and pain in his heart and something in her longed to heal him.  But again, as with pillar number one, it wasn't until later that she learned the true effect he had on her.  Over the course of a few short weeks life was given to an unlikely friendship.  A friendship filled with late-night shopping adventures, all-night movie marathons and more food than two people should ever eat.  Although she had welcomed him into her realm, the brown-eyed girl still struggled from time-time with opening up to him.  He was her friend but she questioned whether or not he saw her for what she truly is.  Despite the fact, the friendship continued to only grow stronger.  It wasn't long before they were almost completely inseparable.

As her friendship with number two grew, as did her friendship with number one.  For number one and number two are siblings.   The more she learned about one, the better she understood the other.  Number two helped clear the path for number one and the brown-eyed girl to form the bond that was painfully resisted for too long.  Having an established relationship with number two and being on the path to establishment with number one, it was then that Pillar number three made his first appearance.

Pillar number three did not come to her on the volleyball court.  He would not be her teammate and he would not be her friend, at least not right away.   He came in the form of the love interest for pillar number one.  Pillar number three is the tallest of them all and just happens to be the most unique as well.  He is very funny, very nice and very friendly... but no immediate connection was formed between him and the brown-eyed girl.  To her, he was another obstacle on her path to friendship with number one.  And a tall one at that.  Number three whisked number one away leaving the brown-eyed girl with just one pillar.  Or so she thought.  Pillar three seems to not have a care in the world and with his happy, positive outlook, he eventually began to seep into her world to make his own mark on her heart.  He made her laugh, he made her smile and often made her confused... in a fun way that only he could pull off.  He was a great form of entertainment but also a great voice of reason.  But the mark's final sear came when she realized how much he loved number one.  He loved her best friend.  He loved her, he supported her... he made her happy.

Just before the official unification of numbers one and three there was a minor falling out between the brown-eyed girl and number two.  Having spent so much time together over a period of a few months, in a tale as old as time, they began to bend.  They bent the rules of their friendship and crossed over a line.  Although it was only a thin line, it was a line they weren't ready to cross.  The boundaries of their friendship were erased as if a light pencil mark and sadly redrawn to leave more space in between them.  While one and three were getting married and celebrating a new beginning, it seemed as though two and the brown-eyed girl were writing the conclusion to their story leaving her with nothing but crumbled pillars.

At this point, the marks on her heart seemed only to be wounds.  Injuries sustained from fading friendships.  Nothing left but memories.  But whose to say that if boundaries can be redrawn, they can't be redrawn again?  Slowly number two began to ease his way back in.  It was with great care that he disassembled the wall around her heart to leave his mark again and redraw their relationship boundaries... this time with permanent marker instead of pencil.  And it was with great hesitation that she let him take down her wall but as she did so, she realized that his mark was never erased and neither were the marks of numbers one and three.  They were still there.  They still loved her.  They still supported her.

It was during their rebuilding period that they became their strongest.  They reestablished their friendships on an unshakable foundation and formed a little family of their own.  It was a cold, wintry night shortly after the rebuilding period, surrounded by all three of her pillars that the brown-eyed girl was struck by the magnitude of their importance to her.  Number one was her support on the volleyball court, her support when boy problems arose and her support when she just needed someone to talk to.  Number two was the one who drug her out of her shell.  He helped her realize that it's okay to be crazy and taught her how to have fun.  He supported her and accepted her for who she was inside and was a calming factor during times of stress.  Number three is a great example of the husband I hope to find someday.  He takes care of number one with his whole heart and undivided attention.  And he is always great for a laugh.  These three friends have shaped who the brown-eyed girl is today.  They stand tall, physically and metaphorically, and hold her to her highest standards.  They act as pillars that she can stand on for support through trials.  They act as pillars of light that give her hope and help her recognize blessings.

Time goes on and trials will arise, but her pillars will remain tall in her heart.  One and three have a baby on the way and she prays for the day that she can be half the influence on baby pillar as the parents have been on her.  Brown-eyed girl and number two toe the line very carefully now.  The timing was off the first time they crossed it and they wonder if it will ever be right.  The right time may come or it may not.  But whether it does or does not, his mark on her heart will never fade.

Confessions of the brown eyed girl.

Walking through life, many people pass her by.  Some are old.  Some are young.  Some look friendly.  Some angry.  Some smile and wave, but most do not.  She has always been known as quiet.  Those who do not know her, see her as shy.  In many ways she remains under the radar.  But there is one feature she cannot hide.  Her brown eyes.  Those passing by, whether they smile or not, always notice her eyes.  She receives many compliments on her piercing brown eyes that are beautifully accented by long eyelashes.  She receives the compliments well, but she continues on her way, trying to stay out of everybody's path.  While the compliments are appreciated, she feels as if her eyes don't get the attention they truly deserve.  Her eyes are so much more than beauty.  As she walks through life as a shy passerby, her eyes penetrate her surroundings and absorb every detail.   They can see the couple fighting across the street.  They see the child playing on the playground that to him serves as neverland.  They see the guy who just tripped and hoped no one was looking.  They see the license plate on every car that drives by and wonder where they are coming from and where they are going.  They see the emotion in another's eyes.  They see the sun playing peek-a-boo with the clouds and the river caressing the valley.  They see the potential in every one that passes by.  They see everything.  With every observance that her brown eyes make, a message is sent to her red heart.  A message that tells her to cry.  A message that tells her to learn.  A message that tells her to smile.  A message that tells her to laugh.  A message that tells her to wonder.  A message that tells her to be grateful.  Her brown eyes are the gateway to her red heart.   But nobody sees her eyes for what they really are.  Whether in her home state, a new state, or even a foreign country, it is always the same.  People pass her by without taking time to notice what her eyes can truly see.   Even the select few that can be called her friends do not fully understand how deeply her eyes can penetrate.  With every one that passes by, she wonders.  Wonders when she will find the person that will look into her eyes and see more than the delicious chocolate swirls they resemble.  The person that will see the gateway to her heart.  She often questions if she will recognize that person when they come.  But she will.  Her eyes will see them.  Her eyes see everything.  She will feel them.  Feel them penetrate the gateway to her heart with beautiful eyes of their own.